Anti-socials

I have become slightly disillusioned with social media. The horrors of politics and hateful men with big egos and small minds aside, social media simply doesn’t do what it says on the tin. Arguably, it can make us very unsociable and disconnected from the rest of the world and most importantly, the real people around us, who we love. 

At the start of the year, I deleted all the apps that are time-consuming and unnecessary (the majority of them, in fact) and turned my smart phone back into more of a basic functioning device. I haven’t gone full brick yet (Nokia 3310 was always my favourite) but I’m not far off. I’ve kept it set up just for calls, messaging, payment facilities and a school app but that’s pretty much it. For work, I manage everything else from a desktop computer only, hopefully setting out a better distinction between work and personal life.  

I’ve reverted to a ‘dumbphone’ for a number of other reasons; to escape the constant news feed of doom / rage bait which had me scrolling slowly into a bout of depression; to proactively get to grips with an addiction (which I think a lot of us share) to continually be with, checking or absolutely consumed by my device.

She is ultimately learning how to interact with the world from me and her dad. It is our responsibility to lay out a good example for her to follow and it seems more vital than ever to model a healthy and controlled relationship with technology alongside also living in the real world; breathing fresh air and getting out in nature with the other three-dimensional people!

Another motivating factor was watching the documentary ‘Swiped: The school that banned Smartphones,’ at the end of last year. Hosted by Emma and Matt Willis, it focused on the impact smartphones have on children’s behaviour with a landmark social experiment, where thirty Year 8 pupils from a school in Colchester were challenged to give up their phones and devices for 21 days, monitored by researchers from the University of York. 

Within the programme, there are heartbreaking stories about anxiety, online hate, suicide and the shocking dangers that exist around smartphones, particularly for young children. All the issues the documentary covers are just as relevant to the lives of adults too. I would recommend anyone to watch it, whether a parent or not. It really hit me hard watching this documentary, especially as it’s already on my daughter’s wish-list; the idea of having her own smartphone. The negotiation over what age we will allow her to have one has already begun. I’m more adamant than ever to hold off on her request until well into her teens. I’m often overwhelmed by the desperate need to protect her from the world, including the dangers online. If you're equally concerned about this issue, I'd recommend looking up Smartphone Free Childhood, a parent-led revolt against children using smartphones.

After reflecting upon my own dependency, I’m now attempting to have a better relationship with my phone, in that I treat it as simply a piece of technology that is useful and has a functional purpose but that it doesn’t have any hold over me or ultimately change my behaviour in any way. I do quite enjoy leaving it in another room now or sometimes even abandoning it at home altogether while I go out with my family. It seems silly to have to admit this, like I’m breaking the rules, but it’s true. When I think back to my childhood, this wasn’t even a thing. How did we get here? The world won’t stop turning just because I’m not on call or haven’t checked my Whatsapp for an hour. 

I also believe a vital part of looking up from your phone screen is remaining aware and conscious of the realities of the world, socially, environmentally and politically. Not just the advertising, newsreels or whatever else we consume online, selected by a profit-driven algorithm. A lot of bad politicians want us to remain distracted and docile, our attention consumed by other matters so they can continue on their dark paths, unchallenged. I beg you, keep looking up.

I'd love to hear from other parents about your approach to social media, your own phone usage and finding the right balance. I am obviously aware of the need for social media, as a small business owner and creative. It is a way to communicate with people from all over the world and share ideas. Maybe I'm focusing too much on the negatives. Please get in touch if you have any guidance or perspective to share. 

March 2025